I've Discovered A Wormhole

Having a baby has totally ripped a hole in my space-time continuum. Time is trickling right through my fingers like the sands of an hourglass, never to be spent again. This isn't "man, he's just growing up so fast (sniff)", this is literally reflecting on how the hours of the day feel like minutes.

In my typical work day, I feel really productive - I'm movin', I'm shakin', writing this, concepting that. Then I come home and get a workout in, eat some food and hang out with the Missus. Now, I feel like I'm doing 1/3 of my usual routine and burning twice the midnight oil. Some how, and I can't get the math to compute, everything takes 30 minutes to do. Feed the baby, 30 minutes. Bath the baby, 30 minutes. Walk the dog, 30 minutes. Cook Minute Rice®, 30 minutes.

And the real kick in the pants is that I feel like I'm moving twice as fast - helping Emily help the baby, cleaning up the house, food prep, bath prep, prep-prep. When I finally feel like I can kick back, it's 9:00 PM and my own fatigue is starting to seep in. I know, woe is me. There are plenty of people out there that do twice what I do, but they're called "Nannies" and they are getting paid.

It just occurred to me, my little cycle has a very Groundhog Day feel to it. Which helps to explain the loss of time - time remains the same but the incessant repetition of the actions blend them together so it feels like I'm only doing 4 things all day. I developed a helpful equation to represent this phenomenon: Freedom (F) equals Activities (A) multiplied by Repetition (R) divided by Time (T) or in other words: F=A(R)/T.

I have no idea how couples who have Quintuplets do it. Feeding one (1) baby = 30 minutes. Feeding five (5) babies = 90 minutes (assuming double dipping 4 of the kids). By the time you've burped and changed them, guess what, it's time to fire up the rubber nipples again for another feeding. So I suppose the lesson here is to be thankful for your own situation and treasure the time you do have before it ticks away.

By the way, writing this took 30 minutes.

I wonder, is it frowned upon to put a baby on an IV milk-drip? Sure, I may get glares from people, but if it means reclaiming 30 minute pockets of my life back - let's the self-righteous judging begin.