Parenting Advice From The FAA

During Emily's pregnancy I pondered more than once what kind of father I would be, but it is impossible to prognosticate such things. So I thought about the types of fathers I didn't want to become. Obviously I didn't want to be an abusive father or one that checks in on his kid(s) on a quarterly basis. I also didn't want to be the vicarious dad that forces his child to pick up the torch of my own youth and run it to the finish line.

And there was another archetype I wanted to avoid too, the father that is too into his kids. Before you "well, I never!" me, allow me to explain. I have seen plenty of parents, first and secondhand, that become husks of themselves because they invest so much of their lives and revolve everything around their kids. All conversations are about their kids, cool life events are missed because run-of-the-mill kid activities take precedence - they cease being "Steve" or "Randy" or "Jill" and are simply "Mom" or "Dad."

"Well obviously you don't love your child, because raising your kids is the most important thing in the world." Wrong and wrong. And this is where the FAA comes in. Their helpful advice for when you hit turbulence and the airmasks plop down is to first put your mask on and THEN put your child's mask on them. The logic goes that you need to be running at optimal efficiency so you can actually best protect and service your child. I think this logic carries over nicely to parenthood too. In fact I've already put this into practice.

I am a better person, husband, father, employee when I'm able to workout and have some leisure time (reading, video games, etc.). All work and no play makes Dale something-something (Simpsons wink). If I am deficient in these areas, the sparkle in my eyes just isn't there and I am more reluctant to help out or work after hours. I have 30 years experience of being Dale, and I don't want to throw all of my hard work away. And I don't think parents should look at life as an all-or-nothing proposition - person vs parent.

I know everything cannot remain the same as pre-kid. You have a child and it takes a lot of time to do the daily necessities and also do the fun stuff parenting allows you to do. And I absolutely recognize the sacrifices that parents must make to make sure their kids stay alive and thrive. You can't have it both ways, but I contend that you can have it some of the way. If you were into music before, keep the amp plugged in. If you were into crafts, keep your beads out or whatever. If you played video games, carve out some time to frag people.

It's those things that made you "you", and what's the point of raising your child so all they know if this caregiver of a person and not the real "you". Until of course when you pull out the photo albums and they gawk over a picture of you on a motorcycle "whoa, you had a motorcycle!?" or the picture of mom wearing something besides sweatpants, "Wow Mom, you were hot?!"

Beyond fighting for your right to be yourself, there is also the responsibility to your spouse. If you too are a Christian, we should strive to keep God first, our spouse second and our children third. I'm guessing kids don't agree with this hierarchy, but that's too bad for them. I feel bad for the couples who wake up the day the kids leave and wonder who this stranger is sitting across from them at the dinner table, because they ceased to relate to each other on a level that wasn't kid-centered.

That's my story. I know, I know - I've only been a parent for 1-month and I already know everything. The people reading this without kids will probably high-5 me. The people with multiple kids are probably giving me a different hand signal. That's fine, I'm off to play some Call of Duty before I enjoy the simple pleasure of giving Benjamin his bath, cuz that's the kind of Dad I want to be.

P.S. Benjamin is doing great!