You only need 146 things to raise a baby

I have been mulling over whether or not technology is a help or a hindrance to new parents. You want to prepare your nest with everything you may need to aid in the rearing of your child. But there is SOOO much stuff (junk) out there. There are holders, warmers, coolers, bracers, pouches, genies, champs, bags, bags to hold bags, boxes to store bag-holding bags.

The factory workers in China making all of this stuff (junk) must think that Americans never actually touch their children until junior high. Especially when they go home to their government mandated one (1) child and wrap them up in simple blankets, cloth diapers and use the same set of pots to cook their meals and sanitize their baby wares. The cumulative eye rolling of 1.4 billion people is probably what keeps the Earth spinning on its axis.

Think about it, before Spongebob was a global hit, the Chinese workers creating all of the toys and plushies must think we are nutz. "Why Americans play with dish sponge? And do they put pants on all their dish sponges?!" I digress.

Baby Monitors - helpful Walkie-Talkie® that allows you to do other things while keeping tabs on your baby, or fear-instilling device that lets you think the worst is happening to your baby...in stereo-reo-reo. The first time we set up the monitor we huddled around it so closely you would mistake us for Cold War KGB agents at a listening station in Irtusk, minus the Sobranie cigarettes.

"Is he breathing? Was that an inhale? I think he's awake? What's that clicking noise? I'm GOIN' IN!!" Of course things are fine 99.2% of the time, but your mind and ears will play tricks on you. The ambient sound of the room to an already frazzled parent sounds like your baby has some how pretzel-tied their onesie around their nose and mouth. Then your own paranoia sets up stage two of this trap: you check on your blissful baby, you see them, they see you, you creep back out, and "WAH!!! Come back...why are you leaving me...is it because I keep pooping on myself...I'm sorrie!! (for authenticity, babies can't spell yet)"

Ultimately, with time, the monitors will undoubtedly be one of the baby gadgets that will definitely be useful. But the sci-fi lover in me is secretly wishing that during an electrical storm our monitors will some how be able to listen to the future or pick up an other-worldly transmission. Should that happen, I must not rule out the possibility that it is a ruse by the People's Republic having some fun with America's wacko parents.