The Holidays

Part of me doesn't even want to write this, because I may come off as sounding too negative or down on the holidays. But I stand by my unspoken mission statement that I will straight-shoot people and peers about what having a kid is like. Despite the bill of goods I was given, which read something to the effect of "kids are nothing but lollipops and magical memories for you to experience with no personal cost."

Having a kid will reshape you and open your eyes to your own selfishness. Not selfish as in material things, but the intangibles - "time" and "your way of doing things". I am fortunate enough to get 2 weeks off during the holidays from work, and I have filled that time in year's past with reading, watching, playing and doing taxes (I know, I'm sick). This year had a totally different complexion with Benjamin - there was time to spend good quality and fun moments with him for sure. But there were other times I just wanted to pack him up and put him somewhere so I could go have some different kinds of fun. Basically compartmentalizing my child.

Half way through the break I threw a 48-hour pity party for myself and then came to terms with the evolution my life has undergone. Another positive to come from this temporary trough was that I want us to do more "fun" things. Emily and I are always busy, but it is doing routine stuff to maintain the status quo. I have created this legalistic dogma of doing work until it is done, and then and only then do I allow myself some fun. I lose, Emily loses and Benjamin will definitely lose if I keep that up. His childhood memories will be filled with Dad sweeping the house, grocery shopping and folding clothes. Not exactly Kodak moments.

For me, everything stated above is the best thing I got out of the holidays - it was a stretching process. Benjamin's first Christmas was not the storybook Christmas that Emily and were expecting. He actually got sick on Christmas Eve, which made for a rough day(s). He wasn't himself at all, wanted to be held and didn't really get into any of the gifts or the paper/boxes that they came in. His sickness also forced us to cancel some plans with friends (catalyst for my pity party) and for some reason I couldn't wait to take down the decorations around the house.

We did get together with our families for some fun times and it was neat to see Benjamin playing with his cousins and forming those bonds. I told myself that next year will be different when he is a little bigger a little more mobile and hopefully a lot less sick. But until then I look forward to creating more frequent events for the Alexander family to go do and experience. We have already kicked this new way of life off with a spontaneous trip to the Aquarium last weekend, and then I came home and did some housework. Hey, it takes a while for a leopard-seal to change his spots.