Another item that modern parents are brainwashed into putting on their "must have" list is some kind of dirty diaper holder unit. This dirty business gets even dirtier because I think it is an oligopoly that needs to be investigated by the Anti-Trust committee. It is run by two factions, the Diaper Champs and Diaper Genies.
Diaper Champ made me think of Mike Tyson's Punch-Out for some reason. It sounded like a ridiculous buffoon of a character you have to box and all he wears is a diaper and gloves, passing gas as you belt him in the stomach.
The Diaper Genie carried a sense of mystique about it, as if it were a portal to the netherworld where you simply drop the diaper and it is banished to the 5th Circle of Hell. It also made me imagine a jovial Genie who would wisecrack with me every time I had a new deposit.
Genie: Greetings, what gifts do you have for me today?
Me: Hey Genie, this one's got a #1 AND a #2.
Genie: An embarrassment of riches, huzzah!
(Musical dance number goes here)
Sadly, the Diaper Genie is basically a double-layered plastic trashcan that costs three times as much. Nothing magical about it, but it does work and I can't say that I've smelt any offending odors. I also recognize that it is an inanimate object, but I feel bad for its station in life. I felt the same way about public toilets when I was younger too, they got a bum deal. No pun intended.
This evening I pulled out a trash bag from the Genie and it felt like I pulled a calf from its mother. It weighed about 25 pounds. 25 pounds of dirty diapers. Barf. So the poor Genie has been sitting there with two Thanksgiving turkeys worth of poop and pee in its gullet for a couple of days. That's a terrible existence.
And after reading a popular children's book, I've got more bad news for my Genie friend, Everyone Poops.
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