Let’s Talk About Poop (by guest writer, Mom)

**This blog is straight-up yo-momma style - feat. Emily Alexander**

(For the faint of heart, read no further. I’m warning you.)

Yes, I said it… Poop! The subject takes on a whole new meaning after having a child. Now I know this isn’t appropriate dinner conversation, but I gotta tell you… I probably spend about a quarter of my waking hours dealing with it: changing diapers, doing ‘accident’ laundry, or providing the foodstuff that will eventually become… you guessed it, poop!

I was a bit scared, then, when a whole day and a half went by and there were no poopy diapers. At Benjamin’s two month visit, I asked the pediatrician if I should be worried. She told me that when babies get all they need from mom’s milk, they can potentially use it up completely, leaving nothing to waste… literally, no waste. They could go up to three days without a dirty diaper. I was relieved to hear this. However, it didn’t last long. His well check also came with three shots that caused a bit of a fever and some “loose stool.” How “loose” you ask? VERY.

I was playing with Benjamin on my lap, making silly faces. He, too, was making silly faces, but not those of jovial response, rather of labor as he filled his Huggies claimed “ultra-dry” diaper with a load that rivaled Santa’s sack of toys. It crossed over from being a “number two” to a “number three.” As I picked Benjamin up, there was poop all over his new outfit, all over my shirt, the shirt under my shirt, my jeans, and eventually my watch (don’t ask). And it all happened in a matter of seconds. We made our way to the bathroom for a bath, as it was too big a job for baby wipes.

Later that night, I came home from a friend’s house, only to be reminded of our messy experience. To my horror, I discovered that I had left the poopy diaper out… not in the Diaper Champ like it should have been. I had wrapped it tightly inside of another diaper and set it on the couch (temporarily). The dog, with his affinity for poopy diapers, got to it… in a big way. There were shreds of dirty diaper all over the living room floor… tons of them. Later, I found out there was more to come. (And here’s the last warning for the meek to stop reading!) When I took the dog for a walk, he had a ‘number two’ like you wouldn’t believe. Actual whole pieces of diaper came out with the movement. I know I shouldn’t have been watching, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away. I was like a curious kid… or a creepy vet.

With this experience under my belt, I’d like to thank a few people: my mom and dad, for cleaning MY poopy diapers… any family member or friend who may clean Benjamin’s future poopy diapers… Pampers, for making a diaper so much better than Huggies… Tony, for referring us to a contractor who will inexpensively replace our living room carpet before our baby learns to crawl… and finally, me,… I’d like to thank me for being able to laugh at things like this while slightly crying at the same time.